Welcome to The Muster Report: Unscripted & Unsat, the only podcast where military rejects, boot camp disasters, and full-blown shitshows finally get their moment in the spotlight. If you joined up thinking you’d be a hardcore warfighter—only to get skull-fucked by morning PT, a rabid drill instructor, or your own dumbass decisions—we wanna hear your story.

We’re on the hunt for the most batshit, pants-shitting, career-ending fuck-ups the military has ever seen. Maybe you got booted before you even hit the fleet, torched your enlistment in a blaze of glory, or just spent your entire contract skating and pulling dumbass stunts. If you’ve got a story of epic failure, barracks degeneracy, or the kind of military stupidity that makes people say, “Fucking A, dude…”—we need that shit.

What did you think the military was gonna be like? How did it all go so catastrophically wrong? And where the fuck are you now?

Drop your story below and let’s immortalize your failure.